I have been addicted to sleep and aspirin and anything resembling a headache remedy for the past week, and generally blah for quite some time. Yet, good things have happened.
I have been promoted. I make a few extra dollars a week, and it helps. I had a mild manic attack in the month of December, though, and spent too much money, and I'm pinching pennies to make ends meet. The good side is that this should be the last week where I have to weigh the benefits of "laundry" vs. "food," and everything should be caught up by Friday afternoon.
The bad side is that my schedule changed, and I have new responsibilities that I didn't have before. I've been playing catch-up on my work for two weeks and still haven't succeeded. I also don't know when to sleep and when to come home and do anything else I might desire to do. I feel like I need a break, so I sleep ALL the time. Ugh. I feel so . . . useless.
Of course, they have a name for activities like this that take place shortly after a manic episode. They call it a "depressive episode." Brilliant! This helps me figure out what to do about it . . .
Of course, I caught my manic episode relatively early, and we adjusted my Pills appropriately. That didn't help me stay stable, though. The downside of my Pills is that the higher the dosage, the more achy and tired I become. So . . . I had a mild manic episode and spent a little too much money, and maybe I would have thought twice about dyeing my hair. But, if that's the worst, I did OK, and I should be grateful. And I am. I'm just tired and achy and grumpy because I'm tired and achy.
Add to this the fact that I got a fantastic idea for a project to occupy more of my time. I'm not quite willing to discuss it, yet. I need to trim it down to something I can handle, and keep it down to one, simple idea rather than the wild, world-changing idea I started with. But, I'm going to try to do it, and I have even started some of the basics. That, too, has led to some difficulty. As much as I joke about my condition in this diary, the fact is I never really thought of myself as "crazy," as having problems with my mental faculties that require the intervention of others and make it difficult for me to act like everyone else. This project, though, requires me to make just such an admission, and look at myself from that perspective. I can do it, but it hurts a little to start. Like taking off a bandage. I just need a little time to recuperate, though, and look further into the subject. I know that something good will come from removing the bandage, but for now I'm making the mistake of tearing it off slowly in an attempt to avoid the pain.
Silly, silly Scott. ;)
This is my life. Welcome to it.
Peace, voyeurs and voyeurettes. As soon as I know EXACTLY what I'm trying to accomplish, you'll be the second people to know.