This year, though . . . not so much.
I had to go to the doctor to get a referral for a blood draw to make sure my Pills are not screwing with my glucose and cholesterol (why they would play with that, I'm not sure, but apparently it's a risk). While I was there, I figured I would ask him to clean my ears because my hearing has been terrible my entire adult life. Well, he says, "it's not dirty inside your ears. I want to send you to an audiologist to have your hearing tested." So . . . I went to the audiologist today, and he has me take a bunch of tests, and at the end he says, "Yeah, your right ear isn't very good at picking up lower tones. In fact, it's pretty crappy at hearing low tones" (well, it was words to that effect, anyway). He then tells me he wants me to see ANOTHER specialist to see WHY my hearing in that ear is shot. It's apparently an unusual problem and an indicator that something is quite literally broken in my head.
This is the second time I went in for something minor and wound up with several experts and new worries. If I behave, though, this time I won't run for the hills because the treatment seems more difficult than the problem.
And my mood has been . . . off. I know this feeling, and it's the wrong time of year. I should be starting an upswing about now, but, instead, I'm heading for a downswing. This past year, I don't know . . . I've been bounding wildly from one to the other. Normally the swings last MONTHS. These have lasted days, maybe a week or two.
The good news is, though, I can thank the Pills for keeping them at a low, almost human level. Still too intense to be "normal," but certainly not the outrageous emotional acrobatics I used to pull off.
And I think I've hit on what is wrong. I can't get a grip on the concept of imperfection. "Normal" doesn't exist for ANYONE. ALL lives have ups and downs. Me, though, I'm not used to the day-to-day trivialities (odd how "I have some hearing loss and piling medical bills" takes a back seat to "my friends are secretly plotting with the Sun to destroy me, and the secret to stop them might be encoded in this magazine"), and I'm in the habit of putting all of my emotional eggs into one basket, so to speak. If things are good, I'm very "up." Upset them slightly, and I'm very "down." Since changes in fortune occur every minute, I cannot get a grip on what I'm "supposed" to feel.
Am I making sense?
Anyway, life is just wacky. Why should I be any different?
Y'all are the best people, kats and kittens. Keep on peepin'!