Monday evenings (thisw being one), I attend what the organizer calls "Meandering, Mystical Men," which is essentially dinner out with a random sampling of men my mother's boyfriend knows. Tonight, I met a man who asked me what I did for a living, and I told him. A few minutes later, I said something mildly intelligent, at which point he said, "I wonder why you're only a clerk at a store." I made an offhand response of, "We all have our stories." He mumbled something about people choosing their jobs (have I mentioned my hearing is not so great?), and that part of the conversation died there.

I get this a lot, and it bothers me. Yes, to an extent I could certainly achieve a higher level of success if I applied myself more. I'm reasonably intelligent and thoughtful, and I get along well with others. I've spent long enough in college classes to have graduated if I'd stuck with one major, and I'm therefore reasonably well-educated, as well (even if those colleges were in the US).

In any case, it's not a simple matter to choose one's profession under the best of circumstances. I have not even been offered the best of circumstances, and typically have to accept those jobs that will accept me. Currently, "clerk at a store" is what was hiring people like me.

Now, it could be argued that I "chose" my profession, in that I have a work history spotted with firings for poor behavior or performance, or, typically, a combination of both poor behavior and poor performance. I, myself, tend to view things this way. After all, if I don't take responsibility for my behavior, who will?

But, let's be honest a moment, and assess my situation a bit more fairly. Did I really "choose" to have emotional and mental problems so severe three successive psychiatrists have all declared me "psychotic?" Did I "choose" to live in a country that has such a high unemployment rate that it's safer and cheaper for employers to find someone half as hard-working and intelligent, but more stable?

And what about ordinary people who also haven't had "the best of circumstances?" Those that haven't gone to a quality high school . . . those that couldn't afford any college at all . . . those that don't have a favorable skin color (let's be honest and admit it still makes a difference to a lot of employers) . . . those that were perhaps a little "slower" than others . . . everyone else that has a bit of imperfection that doesn't make them "ideal employees." What about these people? Do we think they "chose" to be working alongside me?

Probably not. But they're people, and deserve far more respect than to be judged according to their profession.

In the meantime, though, I'm planning on seeing if anyone will take a chance and loan me all the money I need to return to colege full-time. Because SOME of this is my fault . . .

Peace, peepers and peeperettes. ;)