So, anyway . . . this is what's been happening in my life these past few weeks:
I was diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea. This means, essentially, that I can't breathe when I sleep, and that means that I can't, really, sleep. I keep having moments of consciousness that happen whenever I get towards REM sleep. They're too brief to recognize on a conscious level, but they're enough to cause me to go back to level one sleep, and start the process all over again. So, I never really get the restful sleep most of you take for granted. In addition, during the night, my brain is repeatedly denied oxygen.
So, I can't, really, get restful sleep, and my brain is denied the full level of oxygen during the night. What happens when you can't get restful sleep, and your brain is denied oxygen? A lot of things. The ones on my mind are that you can become depressed and psychotic. Guess what I've been previously diagnosed as? My psychiatrist so aptly said, "You have sleep apnea? Well, that might explain a few things."
Is this good? Is this bad? Well, a little of both. It's great that I may have found a simple, root cause for a lot of my problems - and, thus, a solution to them. On the other hand, my step-father thinks "sleep apnea" is a joke, a bit of "hand waving," a new fad for the medical industry to use to make people think they're sick. He thinks it's perfectly normal, that people have been having "sleep apnea" forever, and only now does anyone think it's a problem. So, I don't have anyone, really, on my side at home. This is still a big deal, and I want to talk to someone about it, but he's out. He won't take it seriously. That's bad.
Also, my insurance company is suddenly becoming tight with money, causing delays in my treatment. Add to that the fact that the "treatment" for obstructive sleep apnea makes me nervous. Essentially, it's a mask you place over your face that blows air into your nose and mouth (they have ones for just your nose, but I'm a mouth breather, alas), and this opens up the air passages. You have to (of course) sleep with this on. I've done research on this, and apparently the number one problem with people with obstructive sleep apnea is non-compliance with treatment. They just find the mask too confining and difficult to deal with, so they don't use it.
I don't want to wind up like that. If this is really the end all solution to my problems (not including the ones I talk to my therapist about), then I want to follow the treatment. But what if the mask is as confining as it sounds? How will I hear my alarm clock in the morning when my ears are full of the sound of a machine pumping air into my body? What if I develop the problem of "swallowing air," associated with those who wear the full-face mask? Who on Earth will want to sleep next to a guy hooked up to a Darth Vader breathing machine?
These questions will have to wait for answers, though, because right now, as I said, my insurance company is deciding for themselves if this treatment is "medically necessary." It's not enough they paid for me to go to specialists who then said this is the best course of action. Now, they want to review the findings for themselves, and make their own decisions.
Of course, there is one question I have to ask my doctor before all of this happens, and that is: What makes me susceptible to obstructive sleep apnea? I am not even close to overweight, let alone the "grossly overweight" normally associated with fatty deposits blocking the airway. I do not have a recessed chin. In fact, I have a very prominent chin. Oh, well . . . I see him next week. Answers then.
More tomorrow on the subject of my other stresses of the past few weeks.
Peace for now, kats and kittens.