I left all you kats and kittens hanging for about a day and a half there. I'm sure you were on the edge of your seats. But, my ex-stepfather had gotten home and he was talking at me, so I decided to finish later. What I didn't remember was that I had my early day at work today, which meant I had to go to sleep right after work.

Anyway . . .

A few words on self-esteem: It's very hard to get back when you can't come to terms with how you lost it. Somewhere in my depressive childhood, I was roundly disliked by the majority of the kids I went to school with. I was no good at sports (too clumsy), very good at tests (too smart), and, as I already said, I was an emotional child (too weird). Boo-hoo. I can't believe I'm 31-almost-32 fucking years old and still blaming things on childhood bullies. And, if I can't come to terms with why I feel this way, and accept that it did this to me, I'll never actually get over it.

I'm having trouble getting over it because I actually think I should already be over it. Go figure.

And, of course, that's not the whole reason I have self-esteem issues. There's some "my mommy was too busy for me" in there, and there's some "my daddy never loved me", too. Wah, wah. I'm too old for this shit.

Of course, I got to be this old by denying the pain at the time. Now, I have to face it. Just what I always wanted: to be 31-almost-32 and reliving my childhood traumas. Won't mom be proud?

I guess that was more than a few words.

Anyway . . .

I got promoted at work. I'm no longer just the liquor stock boy (another thing to be oh-so-proud of). Now, I'm in charge of the school / office supplies section of the store. Since this will only take a day or two out of every week, I'm still liquor stock boy most of the time.

Still, it's a promotion.

Anyway . . .

Right on the bottle of Cymbalta (the current anti-depressant I take), it says, "Do not drink alchoholic beverages when taking this medication", and on my Risperdal (the anti-psychotic I'm taking), it says, "May cause drowsiness. Alchohol may intensify this effect." So, what am I doing right now?

It's only one drink. I was celebrating my promotion. And I've been nursing it for something like 2 hours. Still, I can't believe I forgot that about my Pills until just now.

Anyway . . .

It's silent in my house, right now. The ex-stepfather and his girlfriend (there needs to be another word for it when they hit their fifties) are off teaching a meditation seminar. I don't play loud music very often, but if I wanted to I could. At least until they got home.

Anyway . . .

That's about it for now. I guess I didn't really like the "Anyway . . ." format, after all, but I'm not re-typing this. My loyal peeping toms and tammys will have to put up with it.