I'm still up. This is what I get for sleeping all the time. All of a sudden, I can't sleep.
Silly me. Half the time, I'm wondering why I'm sleeping all day, the other half I'm wondering why I can't sleep.
And no matter which way it happens, I never feel like I get enough sleep.
Speaking of sleep, these are the thoughts that are keeping me up tonight:
I saw the doctor for a check-up today, and I mentioned sleep apnea to him. You see, back when everyone in my life was offering theories as to why I was diagnosed schizophrenic, by far the most popular one was that I suffer from sleep apnea (this was offered by anyone who had shared a bed, tent, or couch with me over the years). I downplayed that theory, thinking that a little problem sleeping couldn't make me crazy. Then Jill came along, and I mentioned my friends' theory to her, and she freaked out and said, "That's really serious! You could die!" That was only a couple days before my doctor visit. I still didn't take her too seriously, to be honest, but I didn't research it like I should have, either. I just let it breed in my mind until I blurted out to the doctor (right as he was about to end my check-up), "Is sleep apnea a serious problem?" Well, he wanted to know why I asked, and of course I told him. Then he asked me a couple of questions, and before you know it I'm being recommended to a sleep study clinic.
So, now, I'm going to find out once and for all if I have sleep apnea. I'm either going to find out why I feel I never, ever get enough sleep, or I'm going to find out that there's no medical reason I should feel I never, ever get enough sleep.
Both answers have their advantages and drawbacks.
Add to this that I just had a whole host of blood tests done, some of which relate to tiredness, some don't. All of them, should they come up positive, would mean changes in my life.
More change. Isn't that why I've moved away from everything that meant "home" to me? To change?
It doesn't mean I'm comfortable with it.