I drink too much Mountain Dew. It's bad for the teeth, as anyone who saw my old set of teeth will tell you.
I smoke. It's bad for everything, as anyone who reads the box can tell you.
I sleep too much. That's not so bad for anything, but it really puts a cramp in one's day.
My personal hygiene is a mess. This is only a problem if you stand too close.
I've never had a driver's license. This would be more of a problem if I had a car to drive, I suppose.
I find thousands of other things to do instead of write. This is a problem, as being a writer is what I want to do when I grow up.
Actually, that's my whole list. Small stuff I want to fix about myself, to feel good about myself. If I could knock these things out of the way, I could be well on my way to recovery. But, what to do?
Well, the last three are tied up with all sorts of emotional issues. Self-esteem issues: I don't think I'm worthy of attention, so I don't seek to make myself presentable. I don't trust myself as a driver, so I've never gotten a license. I don't believe in myself as a writer, so I'm terrified to write. Clearing them up will take time and effort, and will only come when I start to see light at the end of the self-esteem tunnel. So, I know this, so I work patiently for towards that day.
Sleeping and smoking are actually related. I don't do much of anything, right now. Sleeping, aside from the fact that the Pills make me tired, is a delightful way to spend a boring day. I don't have much of a life outside of work, so there's no reason to get up in the mornings. It brings me comfort when I'm feeling lonely ("I'm too tired to get a life, anyway"), sad and depressed ("I can always dream!"). Smoking, aside from being an actual physical addiction, is something I can do when bored. It brings me comfort when I feel lonely ("Cigarettes are my friends!"), sad and depressed ("Well, at least you're killing yourself, albeit slowly.").
I just got a call from a new therapist. It looks like I'm going to start therapy again next week! Yay!
On with my small problems:
So, I figure, since the two (smoking and sleeping) appear to be related, all I have to do is find something else that fills that void in my life and I'll be set. What brings you comfort when you're lonely, sad and depressed? That's what friends are for. I need more friends. I need to find a way to get friends (or find a way to return to my old ones in Portland, but that's not going to happen yet). I keep in touch with friends in Portland via IM and the occasional phone call, and I have another online friend via IM and the occasional phone call, but that still leaves a void in my life. Sometimes, I don't feel like talking, I feel like doing stuff. Going out and seeing the world WITH someone. It's a completely different situation than IM.
So, what I need is a real, live, fleshy friend, and I don't know how to get one. I don't make friends easily. I don't trust most people, and I'm too picky besides. Also, I'm not the most stable person on the planet, so there's the question of whether or not they will like being around me. On the plus side, I'm a loyal and kind friend, so there's that in my favor.
Maybe what I need to do is find some group with similar interests to mine that meets on Wednesdays or Fridays (my days off) and go to that instead of waiting for a friend to be dropped in my lap.
As for my Mountain Dew addiction, I don't know how it happened, but it's just an addiction. That stuff isn't even supposed to be addictive, but it is to me. Maybe I just need to cut it out.
Peace be with you, my peeping toms and tammys.