OK, so it's a cartoon aimed at teenagers. So sue me. Maybe I never grew up.
Anyway, I was just watching it instead of writing, which is what I swore to myself I would do today (it being my day off). I've found a writing buddy, and I have nothing to show her because here I am watching cartoons instead of writing. If it's not television, it's another excuse. Maybe I'm getting caught up on my email, or reading a good book (or even a not-so-good book). Or maybe I'm writing in my diary. I find all sorts of excuses not to write.
I don't understand this Writer's Block I have. It's like all I can do is criticize my work and dismiss it as a useless endeavor, which leads me to find other things to do instead of write. I think, "Why bother? No one's ever going to like your writing, so why even try?"
It's been bad now for a number of years. I've written a few things in that time, but nothing at all in the last year. Every time I try, that evil little voice in my head starts singing the same old tune: "Why bother? why bother? You're not a writer." It can't even rhyme properly, but it works like a charm every time.
So, now I have someone who will read my writing, and no writing to show. And here I am writing about my writer's block instead of doing something about it. But what do I do about it? I mean, if it was just a lack of ideas, I'd start looking for places to get ideas from. But this is a lack of motivation. How do I get over this hump and actually write something? How do I convince myself that I'm good enough to at least try to write something?
I'm under no illusions as to whether I'll ever get published. The fact is, I could care less. I just want the release writing used to give me. The sense of a job well done when some idea of mine wound up on paper, even if I didn't show it to anyone. But that can't be entirely true, either, because my writer's block stems from a lack of confidence in my writing. That means I want people to read my writing, somewhere in my exhibitionist brain. And if I do show it to someone, can I handle criticism when it comes? I'd like to think so, because I'd like to improve my skills as a writer. It would also be easier than listening to my own inner critic, who thinks it's all worthless and pointless.
But, then again, I need to get over my own inner critic before I can write at all. Maybe I won't have the strength left after that to listen to anyone's criticism. Maybe I won't have the strength left to send it off to be published (or, more likely, rejected).
It's enough to make me scream. I need a sensible plan for dealing with my own insecurities about my writing, because this is no way to live.
Peace for now, my lovely Peepers.