Woke up. Watched TV. Played on the computer for about fifteen minutes, just long enough to check my email. Watche more TV. Ate a little food. Watched even more TV. Snoozed in front of the TV. Ate some more. Checked my email again. Watched TV. Took my pills. Went to bed.
Wake up. Repeat.
I'm like a stoner without the benefits.
So I need a way to track my days, to distinguish one from the other. Hell, what I really need is something to do. A fucking job or some such nonsense.
I mean, seriously, how did I become the one who was unemployable? I'm intelligent, I actually am a hard worker, and I devote myself to whatever crummy job comes along, yet . . . somehow, no one wants to hire me.
Not that I'm seriously looking, which might be part of my problem. I mean, I'm applying for any job that makes sense for me. It's not like I'm not looking, it's more that my search isn't netting me a lot of jobs I may be qualified for, or jobs I'm capable of arriving at within a reasonable time.
But a big one is just this: I disqualify myself from 99.9% of the jobs I come across for a ton of reasons, and most of them I feel are valid, but . . . it still seems like I should be applying for more of them. As if somehow I'm denying myself of something undefinable.
Maybe I'm more afraid of the world than I thought I was, and that's making it difficult for me to do a successful job search.
And you guys all thought my life was simple and peachy, didn't you?
Hopefully, I'll have reason to update this diary more often from now on.
Yeah, right.